fertility · Lesbian moms · Two Week Wait

Clomid Rage

So, I probably jinxed myself by saying Clomid is really easy on me. I have read stories on my FB support group of women being extremely emotional. From anger to sadness, and feeling both VERY deeply. My RE even told a story of a woman in another country who murdered her husband while on Clomid and got away with it due the the fact that the medication affected her ability to think rationally!

Thankfully I am not THAT bad. S is still alive I promise you. But yesterday, I was AWFUL! I was so tried and so cranky I didn’t even want to be around myself! Have you ever felt that way?! I was annoying myself!

I went to Trader Joe’s on lunch, because I am semi obsessed with that place. So I do my shopping, I eat some samples, I buy said samples to bring home because why not. I bought two different kinds of cookies, and this was after buying two candy bars at Dollar Tree. (Side note, I buy food when I am not feeling right although now I realize I might be spoiling myself by rewarding my own bad behavior)

So I get in my old car that squeaks and squeals like a pig because she needs all kinds of work done and well all our money is going to create this life inside of me. So I look behind me and start to pull out slowly, I notice a nice new white Jeep come whipping around the corner and into the parking lot who stops short after finally noticing me pulling out. Now as soon as I saw her whip in I stopped pulling out because I had no clue if she saw me or not. So after she stops short, this very young blond girl with a car full of other young girls with the radio blasting, starts giving me the finger and shouting. Luckily both our windows were shut, and I am NOT proud of my actions after this. I now start flailing my arms giving her the finger and shouting a string of obscenities in her direction (again windows on both vehicles are closed) until I feel my face getting red. Now, I finish pulling out and before I am even shifting into drive, she is already speeding past me. I was so agitated by this and I NEVER do this. I always smile and wave at people who get road rage because I don’t normally let shit like that get to me. NORMALLY, yesterday wasn’t a normal day for me.

I couldn’t wait to just get home, eat dinner, shower and spend some time with S. She spent most of the night studying for her nursing boards next week while I sat next to her on the Ipad on Pinterest. (I am also addicted to Pinterest) But I was still next to her, and just having that time to sit in silence next to the one I love the most, calmed me.

Let’s hope today goes a little more smoothly!


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