fertility · Lesbian moms · Two Week Wait

Still Nothing

We tested again last night, nothing. Started to get discouraged but brushed it off because hey, these HPT’s arent 100% accurate. It’s the blood test that really seals the deal.

I woke up this morning and upon wiping, noticed AF rearing her ugly head. I was instantly drained of everything I had in me. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I crawled into bed and pulled S into me. She sleepily said, Hi babe, How You ( we know how to speak correctly, but this is our greeting to each other) to which I replied with a heavy exhale and through some tears replied I’m getting my period. She immediately  turned around to face me, grabbed me and kissed me and consoled me as I laid there tears streaming down my face.

After exchanging all sorts of optimistic thoughts, I had to get up and face the day and get ready for work. We will still go tomorrow for blood work, as in some very rare cases, women get their periods and are still pregnant. Not that I am putting any real hope into this, it’s part of the process. I will get my bloodwork and they will tell me I’m not pregnant. Again. The the process starts all over again next week with bloodwork, sonograms and Clomid.

Our next round, is our final round. At the beginning we said two tries, then right before we started try 1, we said we will try three times and then we will wait until S is more established in her new nursing position and then she will try. So if this doesn’t work. We will take a few year break, work on saving money, buying a house and then S will try to build our family.

Doing everything I can to not lose hope and keep the faith that what’s meant to be will be. No matter what, we have each other than that is more than some people have. I am lucky to have a woman who supports me and loves me unconditionally. Sometimes with this process we focus on what we DON’T have and forget about what we DO. I am taking today to appreciate what I do have.


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